LOST IN MY MIND

Today is a sad day. Why? I have no idea.

Sometimes the chemicals in my head get jumbled and don’t like to party civilly together, think any of the bar fight scenes from "Roadhouse." Triggers come in all monstrosities, large or small, and are never timed the way I want them. They leave me feeling battered, lonely, an outsider, desperately clutching at my own emotions, trying to piece them back together in a somewhat recognizable form of me. They make me equivalent to the tiny work ant dragging a smidgen of sustenance, silently squealing not to be stepped on.

Let’s not dwell on that, it’s said. Let’s move triumph forward and embrace life, it’s cried. I try anxiously to clutch these words to my bosom and engrain them in my mind but they drop to the floor, pooling like the wine that fell from my fingers amongst the shards of glass.

I want desperately to let the constructive positivity break the spell. It doesn’t. The rip tide of negativity yanks it down and throws it back into the outskirts of my thoughts; burying it in the dark sand.

Enter BRAVERY. Enter the gallant, silent hero. Enter the only phenomenon that can speak to the demon. It patiently struggles to breathe, never ceases its efforts, whispering at first.

It can barely be heard above the slander reigning in my mind, but it’s there. It speaks of truth. It speaks of the times I’ve overcome the demon before. It speaks of the the simple act of smiling. It speaks of washing my hair. It speaks with radiating love, empowering the molecules and chemicals to realign every day. Always there. Always willing. Always bravery.