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An excerpt from the "Earth's Wild Bones Feel More Alive Here" Book
canyonlands national park — the needles district, 2018

I’ve had an abundance of words stirring for a few years now. A collection of writing, scrawled in journals and paper scraps and in my phone notes. Some thoughts only known by me, others shared on social media. I’ve slowly been pulling these bits of writing together, curating them for an e-book called “The Earth’s Wild Bones Feel More Alive Here.” Yes, that’s the same title as the collection of weavings I released last summer, and this is intimately tied. These words are for the wild woman, the lionheart, the human seeking just a little more than the expected. That means this e-book is for you.

Here’s a piece of writing from my 2019 archive — the first excerpt shared from “The Earth’s Wild Bone’s Feel More Alive Here.”

“Wild violets and dandelions are meant to find home among the grass fields, speckling unexpected color among the green. Trees can root to the clouds, the earthworms shall nestle in the stars. Let the patches of wildflowers be wild and free, let the space grow as she pleases for even just one summer season. Wild violets and dandelions belong among the green because wildflowers need a home too.

How would our monotonous routines be different if sky and land were reversed? When I was small, I feared that gravity would be turned off and my small body would rocket into outer space, alone. I often looked around me, thinking "If the gravity turns off, I'll grab onto that tree or that rooted park bench. I don't want to go into space." Now my explorer's soul is curious about what drifting among the cosmos would be like. Quiet. Wonder filled.

What if I were hiking into the depths of these dusty red hoodoos and canyons, instead of huddled beneath three cardigans with winter snow outside my bay window? Breathing in the clean air, running my small hands along the ancient red rocks. Small.”

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Though the original plan was to release my e-book release into the world at the end of August, I was encouraged by fellow artists to push the date back to late September. This book + these words are so very important to me, and I want them to have space to breathe. I have spent the month of August preparing for a large artist/maker’s festival called Hutchfest, and working part-time at Made in Omaha, and trying to practice rest… so instead of rushing the production of “The Earth’s Wild Bones Feel More Alive Here,” I will release her in September.

You can preorder your copy of my debut (e-)book now for $12, and she will be emailed as a digital copy to you in a few short weeks. The preorder price will go up to $15 on September 1, and I will announce the official release date that day as well. I would be so very honored to share these words with you, dear lionheart.

Why I Resigned From My Full-Time Job To Be A Camp Counselor Again

My dear friends, my heart physically rooted in anxiety and fear the night of October 1, 2017. As I tried to lure myself to sleep after being so very close to the mass shooting in Las Vegas that night, those roots clenched my soul with unfriendly claws. I signed a promise with myself — that I would bravely follow where I felt the Spirit leading me, to soak in all of the possible joy and beauty each day I'm given to wake up. I learned that life is far too short to prolong following the call.

Fear made that promise hard to keep, though. In the months following that night, I have experienced frequent, full-on panic attacks. The memories, the sounds, the fear tends to creep back in as the sun goes down. During those moments, I cannot breathe or feel anything but fear and darkness. I found myself combatting each anxiety battle with vocalized reminders of Camp Fontanelle. The presence of God. Sculptural campfires. Silly songs and cabin chats. Who I was when I worked as a camp counselor. The essence, the goodness of summer camp, all presented a Light Force against anxiety.

There was nothing wrong with my church job, or my life in Grand Island. It was good, normal and safe — but I grew to struggle with feeling mentally aligned with my days. I largely attribute that to my experience in Las Vegas, because I strongly believe that traumatic events can trigger a loss of self.

In complete transparency, I felt my sense of identity slipping away, despite the fact that I consistently preached bravery and wildness. I wanted others to realize their own courage, yet I felt like an impostor and a liar — a Kate I couldn’t recognize in the bathroom mirror.

But my dear friends, I experienced a major heart shift, a beacon of peace and hope on March 25 of this year. I drove down the familiar gravel road to Camp Fontanelle for the first time since my travels to the Southwest. It was raining just a little bit as I made a left turn down the lane. “Washed by the Water” shuffled onto my Spotify playlist.

I parked my car and breathed. Immediately, I could physically feel my spirit rekindling and healing itself. The permanently-rooted anxiety and fear was pulled up by joy and faithfulness. The obvious presence of God, the years of camp memories that make my heart grow towards the sun came flooding back into my soul. I could breathe again, fully and sweetly. The spark of the identity I craved returned. Besides the sanctuary of my family’s home, Camp Fontanelle is the place where I can find the essence of myself. It’s safe.

I realized once I set foot on the camp soil that the Spirit was calling me to use my hands and heart in the forest again. I did not inquire about a position that day, but my feeling was confirmed when Joel, the program director, offered me a job. No application, no interview. Just a simple, “Kate, we have a spot for you here this summer if you want it.”

The decision all happened so very quickly, though it wasn’t a spur of the moment life change. I promised myself that night in Vegas that when a Spirit-led opportunity presented itself, I would seize it. I would take it as my biggest Bravery Mission yet and see how God could use my heart. I think October 1, 2017 sealed the deal that camping ministry is within my calling.

So, back to the forest I will go for my fifth summer — to serve and plant seeds for God’s wild Kingdom at Camp Fontanelle. To remind young people just how seen, worthy, deeply beloved and brave they are, whether they realize it yet or not. My purpose feels strong within a summer camp setting, and I am strong there.

Following God’s call isn’t always easy. There are good things that must be left behind in order to move forward. I’ve grown to deeply care for the people at Trinity United Methodist Church, where I served as the Publications Director for the past sixteen months. I will dearly miss working alongside the genuinely incredible humans I have met there. My good memories and experiences of serving at Trinity have been expansive — from working with the middle school youth group, to creating content for worship services, to my beautiful coworkers and building connections with those who came into the office — a web of goodness will reside fondly in my memories of Trinity. I am a better human from working there, and I am grateful for that.

With a sense of bittersweetness, I have resigned from my job at Trinity and will be moving out of my little, dear apartment at the end of April. Most of my belongings will live in a storage unit for the summer, aside from my camp counselor necessities.

I’ll move back to Fontanelle a few weeks before training starts — time that I will use to completely reset my heart before my camp counselor duties begin. Hikes, fire building, yoga in the forest, writing words for my book, painting murals in the lodge basement, deep breathing in the clean air. Regaining my sense of identity, rooted in bravery.

I am walking into my fifth summer as a camp counselor with a different mindset than my previous four summers. I was young, excited and ready to serve. I still certainly carry those pieces of the past — but now with an unusually heavy desire to soak in every moment of beauty and wonder in this little life I own.

This will be a summer of personal discernment, as I don’t have a plan set up for after August. I remind myself that it’s okay to not have plans because opportunities for beautiful adventures rest in the unknown. I would be a hypocrite to preach on Bravery Missions if I didn’t take gambles on trust and discernment. The future seems hazy, but oh — my life’s trail is certain to be one of growth towards the sun.

Abraham was called to go forth with Fearless Faith and to make a great nation, thousands of years ago. He did it. I’m going back into the forest, Chacos and water bottle in tow. I’m going to grow towards the sun, and so are you.

 

Bravely,

Kate Laing

Rivers in the Wasteland Available Now: http://smarturl.it/NTBWasteland © 2008 WMG Washed By The Water (video)

Rooting in the Ashes.
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The earth is waking up again. Roots growing underneath the soil probably look like the weavings of my soul and my dear friends, the ground is breaking. I can feel it in resonating, vibrating through my bones. The blooms will grow, the rain will speckle the sidewalks. The earthworms will emerge after nestling away. 

It's Holy Week. We know that darkness is going to creep across the horizon soon, but do not fear because the sun will rise in just a few days. The grave will be empty and each lingering heart flicker will be resurrected. Hope will no longer be scattered because it'll be growing towards the sun. 

I made a little playlist for you if your heart is in need of the sun, the hope, the resurrection right now. Stay steadfast. Be rooted and let the earth hold you tight. Easter is coming, loves. 

A playlist featuring Rend Collective, NEEDTOBREATHE, John Mark McMillan, and others

I Purposefully Lost My Elementary School Spelling Bee.

This is a small secret I've kept hidden away, tucked in my pocket for twelve years. This story felt sacred to Little Kate, so I've not confessed the words to any other human until sharing in this space.

My little sixth-grade-self was up against the smartest boy in the class, and the chance to snatch the gold medal from him was at my fingertips. I was told the word I needed to spell to win, and I smiled a bit because I knew it. 

A. U. B..... O. R. N.

Little Kate hesitated before saying the incorrect "o." She faced an inner battle to either win the spelling bee, or make herself small. In a split decision, her quiet self didn't want the glory-filled attention. She purposefully misspelled "auburn," giving up the chance to win the Loveland Elementary School spelling bee. I swept the deserved win under the rug and settled for second place. 

I remember going back to my seat, confused as to why I wouldn't let myself win. But friends, if I could go back to 2006, I truly and honestly would spell auburn the same way once again. Not to make myself small this time, but to remember that perhaps the sixth grade spelling bee was the moment my lion's heart began beating.

Even through the years following the spelling bee, I intentionally endured years of making myself small after that, letting myself hide in the corners of busy rooms. I wish I would've been listening for the echoes of a rumbling, fierce heartbeat. 

I now write, make and explore in pursuit of cultivating bravery in honor of Little Kate — the small, glasses-wearing girl who thought she was better as a mouse. If only, if only she knew that she would someday hike a mountain and climb canyons, and that she'd spend four summers as a wild camp counselor at the summer camp that carved beautiful bravery into her heart. If only she knew that she would someday illustrate a children's book inspired by that same summer camp. If only she knew one day she'd be the woman behind a business intended to cultivate courage.

I wish Little Kate would have looked in the mirror to believe there was a fiery spark igniting in her eyes. 

I do bravery missions for Little Kate, and for each human who needs to realize that bravery is indeed rooted in their bones, whether they realize it yet or not. Lionheart, please don't feel like you have to intentionally lose the spelling bee. Please root yourself and grow swiftly towards the sun. Let your younger, smaller self pour the water and nurture the blooms.

Dear friend, you are seen, deeply loved and powerful. Look in the mirror. Stare past the weariness in your eyes, look until you can see the familiar fire flickering. Place your hand over your lion's heart. Remember that it's kept you alive thus far. Remember your younger self and channel courage for her.

Bravely,
Kate Laing

Download this song: http://smarturl.it/OMAMalbumitunes Directed by WeWereMonkeys https://www.facebook.com/weweremonkeys Compositions © 2012 Of Monsters and Men / Sony/ATV Songs LLC (BMI) Recordings © 2012 SKRIMSL ehf, under exclusive license to Republic Records, a Division of UMG Recordings, Inc. http://www.ofmonstersandmen.com http://www.facebook.com/ofmonstersandmen http://www.twitter.com/monstersandmen http://www.instagram.com/ofmonstersandmen http://www.ofmonstersandmenmusic.tumblr.com

video edited by: https://twitter.com/DavidDBurkhart https://www.facebook.com/daviddeanburkhart For more good music, follow me on spotify: https://open.spotify.com/user/daviddeanburkhart I have a playlist called "Compact Cassette" that I update and change weekly (a regularly modified rotation, kind of like a radio station) Unofficial music video for the song "To Just Grow Away" off of the new album "There's No Leaving Now," by The Tallest Man on Earth (out now via Dead Oceans).

LOVE SONGS FOR YOU AND ME AND ALL OF US.

Gift a bouquet of roses to your love, give fresh blooms to your sisters, forage in the bushes for flowers for yourself. Happy Valentine's Day, loves. You are worthy, brave, deeply beloved and cosmically lionhearted. Give yourself flowers today and put them on your wall so your sweet soul might enjoy their beauty. 

I made this playlist just for you and for me and for all of us this Valentine's night. I think there's a little something we could all hear within these words, no matter our plans for the evening. And while you listen, my soul and bones would be so very happy if you built yourself a flower wall. 

* pick up or forage a bouquet.
* take each individual stem, thank it for being unique and lovely.
* tear off a piece of strong tape in whichever color you choose.
* turn the stem upside down and tape it to the wall.
* do those steps until you have a flower wall in your space.
* remember you're loved each time you glance at the blooms as they dry.
* you will see just how beauty can be preserved.

Love you, Lionheart. Today and every day.

Kate

A playlist featuring Branches, Matt Pond PA, Colony House, and others